The Christmas Chronicles 2 is finally available to stream on Netflix. Here are some of the best quotes from The Christmas Chronicles 2.
Read my review here: The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two Review: The Magic of Goldie Hawn as Mrs. Claus
This post contains spoilers.
Kate – Go to the Kids Club Jack. That is a direct babysitter’s order.
Jack – You’re only three years older than me. But I believe in the chain of command, so I’ll save you a spot at the slime-making station.
Mrs. Claus – Well, we have over 300,000 shops here in the village.
Santa Claus – And each and every one designed by Mrs. Claus.
Mrs. Claus – Well…
Kate – If she designed this place, I think it should be called “Mrs. Claus’s Village.”
Jack – Me too.
Santa Claus – Why, I…I never thought of that.
Mrs. Claus – Of course he didn’t.
Santa Claus – Uh, ah, I mean, I did discover it, and the elves built it, but I don’t know, it’s been called Santa’s Village for over 1,000 years, it…it might be time for a change.
Mrs. C – Everything on this table is super healthy for you.
Kate – How is that possible?
Well, I’ve created some new recipes. Recipes that make all the food you hate look and taste like all the food you love.
Mrs. Claus – Would you like some broccoli ?
Jack – This is the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted!
Santa Claus – Don’t miss the lima beans and carrots.
Kate – Come on, Santa. I already speak Elvish, I’ve been on the big ride, and I could bring a fresh perspective to the whole operation.
Santa Claus – When did this turn into a job interview?
Belsnickel – But not this tree. This star’s for my tree back at the South Pole. Ooh, it’s gonna be the shiz!
Belsnickel – And I gotta thank you, Kate, because, without you, I never could have got back inside Santa’s Village.
Jack – That’s Mrs. Claus’s Village to you!
(Belsnickel looks at Santa)
Santa Claus – That’s…That not official.
Belsnickel – Bah, humbug!
Santa Claus – You watch your mouth, young elf.
Jack – It’s pretty cold out there. What if I get frostbite?
Mrs. Claus – Oh, don’t worry about frostbite. I’m an expert at reattaching fingers and toes.
Mrs. Claus – Jack! Be my hero.
Jack – My mom used to say the same thing to me.
Kate – You’ve been shot.
Santa Claus – Hmm.
Kate – Don’t you feel anything?
Santa Claus – Nah, riding around in the sleigh is like a shot of novocaine in the old butt cheek sometimes.
Santa Claus – What do you call those?
Belsnickel – It’s my team of jackalotes.
Santa – Jack-a-what?
Belsnickel – Jackel and coyote hybrid. My creation. Pretty cool, huh?
Santa – They’re a long way from cool.
Kate – Here you go, keep the change
Cashier – Is this some kind of joke?
Kate – Hmm?
Cashier – Is this Monopoly money?
Kate – No, that’s real.
Cashier – This is the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen. It says 2020.
Kate – Oh.
Cashier – I bet they won’t even be using paper money in 30 years.
Jack- That’s right. You better run. There’s a new sheriff in town and his name is Jack Booker.
Santa- Holy Jingle Bells!
Kate – Santa is he my…my…?
Santa – I hate to cut this short, kids, but we need to get going, Kate. Time to say goodbye.
Doug – Excuse me?
Kate – I mean, Doug.
Santa – Think you need to let Doug up for some air, Katie Cat.
Kate- Thank you for everything.
Doug – Yeah, well, a Pierce always sees it through.
Kate – Yes we do.
Santa – Spoken like a True Believer.
Doug – Note to self. From now on, always bring a video camera wherever you go.
Mrs. Claus – Nick, sometimes I think you actually enjoy these little dangerous escapades.
Santa – Oh, don’t be silly, I…I…Well, I..I..Eh.
Not a quote, but a fun change. The movie sign switches from Now playing Bad Santa to Now playing Elf.
Kate – Belsnickel, you don’t need to be an elf to realize that running away doesn’t solve all your problems. And sometimes, we need to listen to the ones that we love the most. Because at the end of the day, your family are the only ones in the whole world who really understand you. They’re the only ones that will always be there for you, no matter what.
Someone really cool once told me that Christmas isn’t about where you are but who you’re with.
Mrs. Claus – The hero is always inside you.
Kate- We did it again.
Santa – Yes we did.
Teddy – Looks like you guys had a visit from our old friend. Was it as good as last time?
Kate – Well, let me put it this way. I met Mrs. Claus and I helped save Christmas with Dad when he was 13.
Teddy – Are—Are you serious—No way!
Kate – Yes way!
Jack – Yea, well, I climbed a glacier fought off a Yule Cat at the North Pole, so I’m kind of a big deal at the North Pole now.
Teddy – Is that right?
Jack – Me and Mrs. Claus are like this.