Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
All the creatures was stirring, and destroying my clean house.
The stockings were hung by the light switch operated fireplace with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The child was laying naked on the floor nowhere near her bed,
While visions of Brobee danced in her head.
And I in my jingle jammies, and Daddy in his….nothing,
Had just settled our down for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed, and grabbed a gun to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the sheet and threw up the blinds.
The street lamp on the breast of the new-fallen rain
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects in the mud.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But all the dogs in the neighborhood gathering near.
With a little old fellow, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be The Dog Catcher!
More rapid than eagles his coursers he came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Dolly! now, Dodger! now, Puppy and Viscous!
On, Chico! On, Chewy! on, Daphne and Buddy!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As wet leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the road.
So after seeing the sleigh, down the road they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the enclosed fireplace St Nicholas came with a bound.
I had to break open the glass to let him inside,
Coming to our house was not easy as pie.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And as it landed I heard a big SNAP.
His eyes-how they bulged! his dimples not so merry!
His cheeks were all flush, his nose like a cherry!
His mouth started to drool and was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as his face.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
it broke in his mouth from the pain in his back.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he sobbed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a sad overweight elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A tear from his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave another loud crack and I started to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
he blew a snot rocket and out the front door he waddled
He called for his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew down to the grass to pick him up.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to the chiropractor I go after this night!”